Sunday, November 28, 2010

fear

who can really say they dont hv any fear in them?

whether its fear of ghosts, or people, or others... there will be fear in all of us. i noe i noe... the bible told us not to fear for God is bigger than everything in this world. i truly do believe that. but still... i fear.

what do i fear?

i fear always of my own incapability.

can i really do this? can i really be raise up? can i successfully lead others? can i lead an outreach? can i get new members? can i even keep my old members?

so many fears... so many worries... rushing into my head, into my heart, filling me with a type of panic that threatens to sufforcate me...

if i ever have a choice, i would choose to quietly sit at the back. im afraid of responsibility, terrified of failing other people, failing myself.

but...

this is not a good habit is it? its a flaw, rite?

people are not meant to fear so much... i havent even try it, why am i even thinking of the outcome? n ahhh being me, always only thinking on the negative side.

maybe bcoz i can handle other people failing me, but i cant handle me failing me?

ahhhhh i have to change.

i have to stop fearing so much, worry so much...

God says: "Let tomorrow worry for itself. Today will have enough worries on it's own."

true true.

sometimes we jz need to close our eyes and enjoy our lives.

after all,

live IS pretty short.

=)


anyway, this sentence has never fails to bring a smile to my face. let me just share it here with you guys.

'manchester united seems macho'

true aint it? xD

thankiew man-u!!!!

i'll be sleeping with a big smile on my face tonight.

<3

HL

Sunday, November 21, 2010

on the 23rd...

i'll be a new person. =)

i made a promise, a covenant, a vow, a step that I'll take in order to make sure God is in control of my life, and not me.

I'm coming back to Jesus, my savior, my Lord, my first and most beloved.

Lord, only You know how much I truly love You.

I'm really sorry for my actions are not showing my love towards You at all...

everything I do seemed wrong and against everything that You've taught me.

the things that I do...

the words that I say...

the way I made my decisions...

it was all done in fear.

for I'm so afraid of losing things that are precious to me.

but Lord, You have told me straight to my face on saturday during service.

You said:

"My child, your problems is so small to Me. Trust Me, and let Me take over. It's time for you to let go. Let go of all your sufferings and your hesitations, and let My love and grace take over."

And now I say to you oh Lord:

"Yes, my Father. I'm willing to let it all go. No matter how much tears I will shed and no matter how much my heart will break, I will surrender everything Lord, everything, to You and only You. No matter what other people say, no matter what I really want, I will do everything that YOU want. For You are my God, my Lord, my most beloved."

*

Father of life, seated on Your throne of grace
It's only by Your mercy we are saved
Lord, You have said if we call upon Your Name
We and our families will be saved

So we cry out Your Name, El Shaddai, God of grace
Lord Most High, Jesus Christ
We rely on Your grace, Adonai, crowned in praise
Lord Most High, Jesus Christ

Father of love, never failing to forgive
Each moment is a gift from You to live
We're only here to tell the world about Your grace
Until the day You take us all away

We will cry out Your Name, El Shaddai, God of grace
Lord Most High, Jesus Christ
We rely on Your grace, Adonai, crowned in praise
Lord Most High, Jesus Christ

O, so we cry out Your Name, El Shaddai, God of grace
Lord Most High, Jesus Christ
We rely on Your grace, Adonai, crowned in praise
Lord Most High, Jesus Christ

O, so we cry out Your Name, El Shaddai, God of grace
Lord Most High, Jesus Christ
We rely on Your grace, Adonai, crowned in praise
Lord Most High, Jesus Christ

Amen.



Sunday, November 7, 2010

i wrote lot, but ended up deleting everything.

i dun hv the courage to post it up...

always... always...

it ends up being a blank paper.

n me, jz sitting in front of the comp, feeling my heart getting broken over n over again.

when is this gonna stop?

dun ask me anything, bcoz i wun tell.

why do i even write all this up then?

i dunno...

maybe its bcoz there's no one to tell.

no one...


Saturday, November 6, 2010

latest obssession

hark my playlist, something's different. ^^

i fell in love, AGAIN.

this time with irish music. seriously, their music is just so hauntingly beautiful that i will never get bored listening to it. soothing, relaxing, yet lightly mysterious and it haunts ur heart.

all musics were composed by Ronan Hardiman. Famous for composing traditional irish musical scores for series and musicals.if only i can get to see his musical.... even though i will need to learn irish first....

hmmm... maybe instead of australia, i should really go to ireland.

i love ireland.





IRELAND HEY-HO~! ^^v

<3

HL

Saturday, October 9, 2010

世界に最重要の事

i realized what is most important in my life.

i've always knew...

deep inside of my heart, i know what is the thing that i desire most, the thing that i can never live without...

but now is the only time when it's really that clear to me.

for U, i can sacrifice anything n everything.

for U, i can let go of the one thing that is really making me the happiest girl right now.

for U, i can sacrifice even love itself.

because U ARE love.

without U, i do not know how to love.

without U, i'll be lost and without direction.

so many times U had touched my heart with your love.

so many times YOUR love so strong that it leaves me gasping for breath.

even though many times i don't want to admit how much U love me, U jz kept proving your love to me...

i can't even run away anymore.

without U, life is meaningless.

how am i to live if i let U go?

i will never let U go.

i can NEVER let U go.

U are just THAT important to me.

stay with me, until the end.

<3


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

dedicated to my dear old friend, HO HSIN MEI

my dear,

why lah u go soooo far to study??? T.T i miss u leh... wanna find u also hard. *sniff* when r u coming back? back to meeeeee~

hehe!~

anyway,

this post is just specially for u to wish u a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

ho hsin mei is a very special friend to me coz she went through all the thicks n thins in ns with me.

she's always gentle, kind, the type of girl where people can NEVER dislike her coz there's absolutely NOTHING to dislike about her!

she doesn't judge people based on their negative points, she doesn;t hold any grudge against anyone, she doesn't raise her voice or simply releases her temper!!! even when she's mad, she'll only tell us quietly why she's angry and she'll need to chill silently then she'll be back to normal.

ho, maybe u've changed. maybe u're not like this anymore.

but u'll always be like this in my heart! coz this is the ho hsin mei which i have lived together with for three long months. ^^

please continue to shine! u're not alone in this world yea~ even though u might be in a foreign country, even though i havent seen or talked to u face to face for 2 years plus now, i still remember u n love u!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR SISTER! <3

God bless u! =)

sincerely,

HL

Friday, October 1, 2010

untitled

im really scared of going back to the past













but im even more afraid of the future.













lets jz stay like this for as long as we can......





Monday, September 27, 2010

taking a BREAK

i wonder why people tend to always overlook Nishikido Ryo in NEWS. I can understand the crowd's obssession with yamashita tomohisa, but i just to get it why ryo is so low on the ladder...

i know many ppl think that yamapi looked wayy hotter, but he's such a pretty boy that i cant stand it sometimes. its the same thing as why i like yunho sooo much better than jaejoong in tvxq. i guess i like macho looking guys more. xD


nishikido ryo

i loveeeee him when he smiles!!! he got the most AWESOME smile EVER!~




he just look soooo cool!!!!! xD
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yamashita tomohisa

his face is too smooth. =.= it bothers me. hahahaha! but i love him alot too! only i like nishikido-kun more. ^^


he'll so fit in nicely in an emo role in some tear jerker drama. seriously this guy doesnt SMILE. its soooo freaking hard to find a nice pic of him laughing or just smiling really big online. sigh...

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i noe i said yamapi's face is too smooth n he's soooo pretty that he bothers me, but SOMEHOW i ended up falling in love with this 'pretty' boy here. =.=



Matsumoto Jun from ARASHI

i noe i noe... there i was condemning pretty boys but here i am gloating over one. lol. gomen-ne? hehee...


he's just sooo cute that i can't resist!!!!

i first got to know matsujun when i watch hana yori dango (meteor garden japanese ver). he was acting as 道明寺 n he had CURLY HAIR!!!! arghhh i HATED his hairstyle then..................

when he first walked out in that flamboyant style of his in the drama, i HATED him on sight. he looked arrogant, smug, stupid, idiotic, and air-headed. i think the only reason how i even start to like him in that drama was his acting.

he. was. so. freaking. awesome.

i mean it, this pretty boy can ACT!!! in my opinion, he did a MUCH better job than jerry yan. he was loadsss more irritating, wayyyy stupider in his language (in this case his jap is even worse off than his eng =.=), but he managed to touch my heart with every little small tiny gestures of care and love he showed towards makino (shan cai).

then i watched gokusen, n once again he blew me away. his role in hana yori dango n his role in gokusen is WAY apart. =.=

while in HYD he's a spoil rich brat with a hugh empty skull for a brain, in gokusen he acted as a brilliant yet mysterious student who rebel against his teacher bcoz he lost all trust in adults.

woah woah woahhhh not to mention i love love love his hairstyle waaayyy more in gokusen! hahahhaa~

after that i watched him in boku no imouto wa koi wo suru where he acted as a guy who's in love with his twin sister but couldn't be together with her due to society pressure.

this show is all about the emotions. progression is SUPER slow but when it's neaing the end, i ended up crying for over 10 minutes even after the credits stopped rolling. THAT's how good he is.

of course there's also my fave show out of all his shows, kimi wa petto where he plays a guy who is a pet to a much older working women where she feeds him, plays wif him n even bathe him. =.=

this story really shows his acting skills as him as a pet had to always act cheerful and enthusiasm for his master, yet frustrated and disappointed at the lack of human treatment his master is giving him. little by little he starts demanding for more n more attention, n then...........

GO WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!!

i had the full episode (downloaded in low quality but STILL!!!) so come find me if u wan it!~ ^^

weeeeeeeee~ japanese waveeee!~

n now... back to assignments.... sigh

Friday, September 17, 2010

cont' on previous post

KOKORO-First Kiss opening

(i think this is one of the most innocent love song there is in the world. nothing about how hot she looked with her sexy hips or full red lips, nothing about how he wanna get close to her just to have sex with her... just simple, "i've met the most important person in the whole world". and that's how love should really be, or so i think. =] )

hito gomi wo mabushisou ni kimi ga hashitte kuru

You ran through the crowd of people so dazzlingly

furitsuzuku ame wa yande natsu no sora ni kawatta

The pouring rain stopped, and the summer sky changed


hajime kara wakatte ita kimi no kawari wa inai

I knew from the beginning that there was no substitute for you

tashika na koto wa nani mo mitsukaranai kedo kimi ga suki

I'm not really sure of anything, but I know that I love you

sekai juu de ichiban taisetsu na hito ni atta

I met the most important person to me in the world

kyou made no soshite kore kara no jinsei no naka de

In my life up until now, and from now on

kimi no tame ni dekiru koto wa honno sukoshi da kedo

There isn't much that I can do for you, but

kokoro wa hoka no dare ni mo zettai makenai kara

I definitely won't lose my heart to anyone else

sore zore no omoi wa ima natsu ni yurareru mama

Our feelings waver now, in the summer

hanarete chikazuite setsunaku tokimeite

Parting, getting close, being in pain, getting excited

ano natsu sekai juu de ichiban taisetsu na hito ni atta

That summer, I met the most important person to me in the world

kyou made no soshite kore kara no jinsei no naka de

In my life up until now, and from now on

toki no nagare wa futari de kizan de yuku n da

We carve out the passing of time together

yori sotte fureatte ima kono toki wo ikite

And close to each other, touching one another, we live our lives now, in the moment

ano ne umarete hajimete konna fuu ni dare ka wo

Hey, I was thinking that this is the first time in my life

shiawase ni shitai to omotta

That I've wanted to make someone happy like this

machi no akari ga sora ni todoite

The street lights reach into the sky

itsu ka yuube no hoshi to hitotsu ni natte yuku kimi ga suki

And one day, they'll become one with the evening stars, I love you


sekai juu de ichiban taisetsu na hito ni atta

I met the most important person to me in the world

kyou made no soshite kore kara no jinsei no naka de

In my life up until now, and from now o


toki no nagare wa futari de kizan de yuku n da

We carve out the passing of time together

yori sotte fureatte ima kono toki wo ikite

And close to each other, touching one another, we live our lives now, in the moment

ano natsu sekai juu de ichiban taisetsu na kimi ni atta

That summer, I met the most important person to me in the world

kokoro wa hoka no dare ni mo zettai makenai kara

I definitely won't lose my heart to anyone else


hito gomi wo mabushisou ni kimi ga hashitte kuru

You ran through the crowd of people so dazzlingly

furitsuzuku ame wa yande natsu no sora ni kawatta

The pouring rain stopped, and the summer sky changed

--

TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS-Mr Children

(this song really mirrors our life in reality. teaching us how to live life with no regrets, continue walking with your head held up high and just... enjoy life. who knows what will happen tomorrow anyway.)


Todomaru koto wo shiranai toki no naka de

Time moves on without stopping

Ikutsumo no utsuri yuku machinami wo nagamete ita

In the midst of it, I looked at the changing streets

Osanasugite kieta kaeranu yume no omokage wo

And in a boy I passed by, I saw the vestiges of a dream I had

Surechigau shounen ni kasanetari shite

Which disappeared, never to return, because I was too young

Mujaki ni hito wo uragireru hodo

I wanted anything and everything

Nani mo ka mo hoshigatte ita

Even the girl a close friend of mine loved

Wakari aeta tomo no ai shita hito de sae mo

To the extent of betraying people without a thought


Tsugunau koto sae dekizu ni kyou mo itami wo daki

I hold my pain close today, unable to make up for what I've done

Muchuu de kake nukeru keredomo mada asu wa miezu

I race through in a daze, but I can't see tomorrow

Shouri mo haiboku mo nai mama kodoku no reesu wa tsuzuiteku

This solitary race still continues with no victory or defeat


Hito wa kanashii gurai wasurete yuku ikimono

It's sad how much people forget

Ai sareru yorokobi mo sabishii kako mo

The joy of being loved and the lonely past


Ima yori mae ni susumu ame ni wa

In order to move forward

Arasoi wo sakete toorenai

You can't avoid conflict

Sonna fuu ni shite sekai wa kyou mo mawari tsuzukete iru

That's how the world keeps turning


Hate shinai yami no mukou ni oh oh te wo nobasou

Reach out your hand, oh oh, to the other side of the endless darkness

Dareka no tame ni ikite mite mo

Even if you try living for someone else

Oh oh tomorrow never knows

Kokoro no mama boku wa yuku no sa daremo shiru koto no nai ashita e

I'll go where my heart leads me, to a tomorrow no can know

Yasashisa dake ja ikirarenai

You can't live by tenderness alone

Wakare wo eranda hito mo iru

There are those who chose to say goodbye

Futatabi bokura wa deau darou

We'll meet again

Kono nagai tabiji no dokoka de

Somewhere on this long journey

Hate shinai yami no mukou ni oh oh te wo nobasou

Reach out your hand, oh oh, to the other side of the endless darkness

Ieru koto nai itami nara isso hikitsurete

If you've got pain that won't heal, just bring it with you

Sukoshi gurai hamidashitatte ii sa

It's okay if you stick out a bit

Oh oh yume wo egakou

Oh oh, dream a dream

Dareka no tame ni ikite mitatte

Even if you try living for someone else

Oh oh tomorrow never knows

Kokoro no mama boku wa yuku no sa daremo shiru koto no nai ashita e

I'll go where my heart leads me, to a tomorrow no can know

--

KURUMI-Mr Children

(Only they can sing about hope when everything seemed long gone and past. for some reason tears just filled my eyes when i head this song. it reminds me that life is still worth living, no matter what happened in the past or in the future.)

Nee kurumi

Hey, Kurumi

Kono machi no keshiki wa kimi no me ni dou utsuru no?

How does this city's scenery look to you?

Ima no boku wa dou mieru no?

How do I look to you now?

Nee kurumi

Hey, Kurumi

Dareka no yasashisa mo hiniku ni kikoete shimaun da

Someone's kindness sounds like sarcasm

Sonna toki wa dou shitara ii?

What should I do at times like that?

Yokatta koto dake omoidashite

I'm just remembering the good things

Yake ni toshi oita kimochi ni naru

It makes me feel awfully old

To wa ie kurashi no naka de

But still, I'm living

Ima ugokidasou to shite iru

And trying to move on now

Haguruma no hitotsu ni naranakute wa naa

I've got to become another gear in the wheel


Kibou no kazu dake shitsubou wa fueru

The more hopes I have, the more the disappointments grow

Sore demo asu ni mune wa furueru

But still, my heart trembles for tomorrow

Donna koto ga okorun darou?

"What will happen?"

Souzou wo shite mirun da yo

I try to imagine it

Nee kurumi

Hey, Kurumi

Jikan ga nanimo ka mo arai tsure satte kurereba

If time washes anything and everything away

Ikiru koto wa jitsu ni tayasui

Then life it really simple

Nee kurumi

Hey, Kurumi

Are kara wa ichidomo namida wa nagashite nai yo

I haven't cried once since then

Demo honki de warau koto mo sukunai

But the times I've truly laughed have been few


Dokoka de kake chigaete kite

I'm like the extra button

Ki ga tsukeba hitotsu amatta botan

On a shirt that's been buttoned up wrong

Onaji you ni shite dareka ga mote amashita bonanhooru ni

Wouldn't it be great if there were some meaning

Deau koto de imi ga dekita nara ii

In meeting someone who was like the extra buttonhole?

Deai no kazu dake wakare wa fueru

The more meetings I have, the more the partings grow

Sore demo kibou ni mune wa furueru

But still, my heart trembles with hope

Juujiro ni dekuwasu tabi

Everytime I come to a crossroads

Mayoi mo suru darou kedo

Even though I might get lost

Ima ijou wo itsumo hoshigaru kuse ni

I always want more than I have now

Kawaranai ai wo motome utau

Singing a song as I long for unchanging love

Sou shite haguruma wa mawaru

And with a dull scraping sound

Kono hitsuyou ijou no futan ni

The gears turn

Gishigishi nibui oto wo tatenagara

In this unnecessary burden

Kibou no kazu dake shitsubou wa fueru

The more hopes I have, the more the disappointments grow

Sore demo asu ni mune wa furueru

But still, my heart trembles for tomorrow

Donna koto ga okorun darou?

"What will happen?"

Souzou shite miyou

I try to imagine it

Deai no kazu dake wakare wa fueru

The more meetings I have, the more the partings grow

Sore demo kibou ni mune wa furueru

But still, my heart trembles with hope

Hikikaeshicha ikenai yo ne

I can't turn back

Susumou kimi no inai michi no ue e

I've got to keep going, on this road without you

--

OVER-Epik High

(this songs made me have goosebumps for some reason. not only the lyrics are hauntingly beautiful and true, the simple melody itself leave a lasting impression that i just cant erase from my mind.)

[yeah] You got so much to prove hoping they approve
The only thing that’s true is all you ever do is do
You’re movin shoe to shoe but you’re not going
You stop growing , the moment that you stay at the top
The only way is to drop free falling down the stairs
That you climbed up lined up to freely mount the air
But you dare not airdrop tied up like a hair knot
Hiking down without a chance of stepping on a fair rock
And so you stand still in a stand still
hand still building castles on a sand hill
Man chill is what your friends say
but you’re not hearing what little men say
anyway keep on going and taste the stars
keep on growing and raise the bars
you’re living life with the As down to the Zs
after the hill you got a mountain to seize

you are an over achiever
do what it takes till it takes everything you are
you are an over achiever
do what it takes till it takes everything you are

who can tell your living is an organized hell
the mansion of your mind just an oversized cell
the pressure everything is done to a measure
in the sea of competition sunk like a treasure
like a feather falling slow spiralling to the floor
strung up like a broken violin to your course
opportunity is knocking at your door
but you never left a welcome mat (it doesn’t matter anymore)
or anyhow but you’re too late to turn back
fate pushing you in to the wall like a thumb tack
ain’t no comebacks in this game of life
roll the dice again roll it once never twice


keep on going and taste the stars
keep on growing and raise the bars
you’re living life with the As down to the Zs
after one drop you got a fountain to seize

you are an overachiever

do what it takes till it takes everything you are
you are an overachiever
do what it takes till it takes everything you are

you are an overachiever
do what it takes till it takes everything You are
[want a break from the world, but the world wanna break you the weight makes your back bone curl up and ache you]

you are an overachiever

do what it takes till it takes everything You are
[want a break from the world, but the world wanna break you the weight makes your back bone curl up and ache you ]

--

おわり